I read this in the morning, but I wanted to think about what you said for a bit before responding. The way you expanded upon what I was originally thinking ended up being something that I actually really needed to hear. I'm definitely someone who struggles with internalizing what other's opinions and feedback, so the borrowed proof vs. earned proof is something I'll be reminding myself of a lot.
I think that this also happens a lot with feedback people receive about themselves. We, or at least I, have a habit of taking everything people have told me about myself as being true and needing to change, even if it doesn't fully resonate. Starting to realize that while it's important to learn from it, it's also ok (and sometimes necessary) to just disregard it. This comes back to what you were saying about being careful what people tell you and making sure it's actually true instead of just a projection.
My family has told me for as long as I can remember to never give my power away, meaning to not let things or people out of my control be what decides my mood, behavior, and identity, which also ties into what you're saying. I think it definitely comes down to having high-enough self trust—built through actual proof and self-efficacy—that you can disregard any negative feedback, opinions, guidelines, or moments that don't actually align with you whatsoever and have little basis.
Anyways, thank you for writing this! Have the loveliest night!! :)
Great post - wow! Worked in EMS for over a decade, and you just gave me words for something I've been struggling to articulate for years. Earned proof - can you assess and treat the patient? secure a scene? Intubate? Start an IV? Do med calcs? "stories" and "intent" don't matter there - were you able to do it or not? Borrowed proof - the uniform, the badge, the radio that allowed you to walk into some stranger's home, and they trusted you to do the job. I can still do the skills, but don't have the "coat" anymore. "Earned" vs "borrowed" in maybe its simplest form.
I read this in the morning, but I wanted to think about what you said for a bit before responding. The way you expanded upon what I was originally thinking ended up being something that I actually really needed to hear. I'm definitely someone who struggles with internalizing what other's opinions and feedback, so the borrowed proof vs. earned proof is something I'll be reminding myself of a lot.
I think that this also happens a lot with feedback people receive about themselves. We, or at least I, have a habit of taking everything people have told me about myself as being true and needing to change, even if it doesn't fully resonate. Starting to realize that while it's important to learn from it, it's also ok (and sometimes necessary) to just disregard it. This comes back to what you were saying about being careful what people tell you and making sure it's actually true instead of just a projection.
My family has told me for as long as I can remember to never give my power away, meaning to not let things or people out of my control be what decides my mood, behavior, and identity, which also ties into what you're saying. I think it definitely comes down to having high-enough self trust—built through actual proof and self-efficacy—that you can disregard any negative feedback, opinions, guidelines, or moments that don't actually align with you whatsoever and have little basis.
Anyways, thank you for writing this! Have the loveliest night!! :)
Great post - wow! Worked in EMS for over a decade, and you just gave me words for something I've been struggling to articulate for years. Earned proof - can you assess and treat the patient? secure a scene? Intubate? Start an IV? Do med calcs? "stories" and "intent" don't matter there - were you able to do it or not? Borrowed proof - the uniform, the badge, the radio that allowed you to walk into some stranger's home, and they trusted you to do the job. I can still do the skills, but don't have the "coat" anymore. "Earned" vs "borrowed" in maybe its simplest form.